Betrayed

I can't shake this feeling. I feel so betrayed. By him.

Obviously, this is another stage that must pass. I feel so much hatred and anger towards him. I don't like being a hateful person.

I have cried s few times recently. I'm not sure if it's because of all the hate I feel, the need to let the emotion go, or that I'm so unhappy because I am hateful.

It comes after having too much time to think. I struggle with thinking that this is only hard on me. Is he going through this? Truthfully, I hope he is. I hope he is having a hard time accepting this change too.

I want to move past this stage soon. I hate being unhappy and hateful. I want to be happy again. I want to smile and laugh again (and not just every once in a while because I'm out on the town). I don't want to keep my eyes down when I'm around him -which until May is a lot more time than I would like -so that he doesn't see how unhappy I am and how angry I am at him.

There is too much to think about: who gets what, what are we going to try to sell, where should I live, how long will I stay there, how long should I stay at my job, what about the guys who are interested in me, do I really want to go back to school, can I afford to go back to school, what about my car that is dying, who would help me get a good deal on a new car? I think those are the main questions... and they are NOT small questions... a lot of them are life altering questions...

So many life altering questions are difficult to deal with at one time.

Breathe in, breathe out.... wish me luck. I hope I can find some dreams that I want to achieve, then I can have some direction in my life.