Where did the ethics go?

I am a quality friend.

I'm honest. I want to help my friends succeed. I want to be here for them through the good and the bad. I listen to their problems and help them see different perspectives or give my advice if they want it. I want to be here to encourage them, support them, share my good times, make them smile and see the world through rose colored glasses...

I was talking to someone today who is trying to quit drinking pop. Currently he drink 2 LARGE pops a day. Wow! When I commented that it's his battle (saying my advice didn't have to be taken), but supporters usually help you win the battle; he said he didn't have any supporters. I asked him what kind of friends he had, because that made NO sense to me. Why, if you tell your friends what you are trying to do, aren't they at least supporting your decision if not encouraging you to meet your goal?

I forgot... people aren't like that any more. I told him that if a friend wanted support to quit something, I would be there. He commented that that makes me an exceptional friend! While i was happy for the compliment; I was also sad that people don't care any more. Not many have those "old fashioned" values and ethics. No wonder society is going down the toilet.

How did I become this way while everyone else could care less? I've always wanted to feel loved. My dad was strict, in a cold way sometimes. i always wanted to do my best to please him, and the rest of my family. And I wanted people to be proud of me. People's opinions of me mattered. I wanted to be the best person I could. I worked hard. I succeeded. I did my best.

I also was picked on. Not in the bully type way. But WORSE! I was a girl and I tried to be friends with girls. But girls are SO mean! They don't beat you up, they back stab you, they crush your dreams. They belittle your existence. I'm glad I found true friends, with similar values in High School or who knows what would have happened. I never wanted to treat someone the way I was treated for so long growing up. Maybe that's why I am so "real."

I wanted my actions to be reciprocated. I almost started tearing up while I was reading a Christmas card from my best friend. She thanked me for being a wonderful, supportive, and attentive friend, confidant, advisor and sympathizer. She also mentioned that she hoped she was reciprocating... I'm glad she cares!

I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask for? It seems to me that I am making it very easy for someone to love me. I try to be my best and to be there for my friends and work hard at everything I do. Why does it seem like I work too hard to gain some one's love or respect? Well that is me. All I can do is hope for love in return.

Landslide -Fleetwood Mac

"Well I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you...
But time makes you bolder, children get older. I'm getting older too."

So my big life change is intimidating. Change is hard whether we accept it or not. This song reminded me that I am getting older, though not running out of time, I can use my experiences to move on and continue to grow.

I'm a committed person. I was starting to build my life around him in a way that could support us both. But now that the support is broken, I have to commit myself to me.

I am bold. I am confident in my successes and and my continued drive to move forward and remain myself. I'm not as fragile as I may feel sometimes.

I think I can. Whatever that means to you, it means to me that I am worth it. To someone I am or will be worth the time and the effort. I am me.