No more complacency for me!
I do love to be happy and it would be great to stay there all the time. However, I have discovered that it is much better to experience the extreme happiness and even the lowest of lows than to stay at the same level of indifference.
I am fortunate right now in being extremely giddy! It is a great feeling. Plus I think I'm giddy for a good reason. I know the serious times will come even within the happiness I have found. But I am prepared to share that as well as my joy.
Sooner or later, I expect that I will need to experience sadness again. For me, it is good to have a good cry every once in a while to let out all the bottled up emotions and stress that plagues the back of my mind. I will learn to accept this as a good part of me as well as my happiness. While I love to be a happy Kari, I require some time to reflect and be aware of my emotions good and bad.
I am thankful that I am happy and living life to its fullest right now. Now that I have accepted that I cannot control and plan my life at this time, I am able to enjoy the moment. Living in the moment has been a great experience, but I will look forward to making plans again someday. Perhaps it will be sooner than expected.
It's a sad situation, the end of things always seem to have some amount of sadness, but I'm glad my friends and family tell me that I seem much happier. I am happier. It feels weird to admit this, I'm not sure how long I had expected to be in a slump but it really wasn't long.
Once the end started, I grieved. I was expecting that. But I also had such a weight lifted from my shoulders that I didn't realize I could be both sad and happy. It's crazy how the people who are important to me can tell me that I seem much happier and I don't realize the truth in it until they tell me!
I am so fortunate to have such wonderful friends and a support group that, well, loves me. Why would someone care about my state of being unless they love me? I always try to be the best person I can and to be caring and supportive myself. Maybe I haven't felt like I needed to solely rely on my support group before. I have always known I make a good impression on people and I am generally likable. But to see so many people jump to my aid when I needed it most was something I never truly expected.
I was afraid of feeling alone and to be stuck with only my thoughts. Sometimes I hate the constant thinking, wondering, worrying... I know it is still there in the back of my mind -making sure I keep a foot on the ground and a check on reality every once in a while. But it is freeing to be able to tackle one problem or issue at a time. One step at a time and I will get things figured out for the best.
Currently I am happy :) I like it!
